Depression
by Sutaseiu
Summary: Joey is having a hard time. How will he deal with it? Who will help with his depression? (Introduction. Shounen-ai)
1. Depression

This is my first Yu-Gi-Oh fic  
  
Ryou: Please be nice  
  
Yes, please be nice to me. This will earn probably earn an nc-17 rating soon.  
  
~*~*~*~*~  
  
I know all about depression. It's not sadness. It's an emotion that's not an emotion. To put it simply, I don't care. I could kill myself tomorrow with no regrets. Unfortunately, I'm too considerate. All those rules and manners drilled into my head; they hold up even in the face of my depression. That's why I can't kill myself. My friends would be hurt. But then, they already are. They know I've hit the bottom. They know I need help. They cover it up or change the subject. They're afraid to admit that they can't help me. No one can now.  
  
Maybe I should try a traditional death; a sword through the stomach. No, too quick, too messy. But the pain, the pain I would feel. What about cutting? Just a little to start. Enough to sting, enough to bleed. Almost enough to die, but not quite. I could clean the mess up myself. The scars wouldn't be hard to hide. I could cut somewhere my friends wouldn't see.  
  
I used to care. You may not believe it, but I did care once. Before my world fell apart.  
  
~*~*~*~*~  
  
Well, that's the intro. I scared myself while I was writing it.^^;;  
  
Please review!! 


	2. Masks and Puppies

I don't own Yu-gi-oh. Anzu would appear much less often if I did.  
  
(She'd also be wearing a lot more!)  
  
I have smart reviewers! This started as a Ryou fanfic, but I thought of a better idea with Joey being the depressed one. My Ryou one is written in bits and pieces all over my room, I could try and finish that one and post it up if people wanted? And I made a little tiny change in the intro. Instead of it saying that Joey doesn't care, it now says that he doesn't feel.  
  
FF.net: Ashuri: I know you can get me, but why do I always seem to be the slave driver? Go work on Silent Colours and your Ryou/Kura fic! ^^  
  
Goggle Crazy: Yes, there's going to blood, fighting, swearing, and angst! I hope you like this chapter. Oh! I read Remember. It's good. I like it! ^^ But I can't believe you killed him. *cries* My baby.he's dead!! *Ryou holds me in his arms* It's all right, it's just a fic. *wipes at tears* Right, just a fic. I'd review, but it won't let me *sigh*  
  
Me: You're so smart! *hands you Ryou plushie*  
  
She doesn't know I'm saying this, but go read Ashuri Chan's fanfics! Please!! They're pretty good.  
  
AFF: RavenWings: Thanks for your review. I'm not sure exactly what kind of depression Joey has. I'm just going off what I know from various family members. I'll have it figured out by the next chapter though.  
  
Kitsune Hashiba: That's the best review I've ever had. It made my day. Yes, Joey does care; it's just easier for him to not admit it. I went back and switched it a little bit. I really meant was that he didn't feel. I'm going to try and make that clearer in this chapter or the next one. I am going to switch to Ryou Seto's point of view a few times too. I'll keep what you said in mind for sure! Thank you so much for your review!!!  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
**Joey**  
  
Two pairs of eyes watched as I walked onto the school grounds. One guessed and the other knew what my father did to me. The one who knew would not ask what had happened. He would wait for me to come to him. Wait for me to share the horror story that is my life. Yes, Ryou would wait for me to share my father's latest form of torture. The way my father beat me then entered my room at night to touch me as I slept.  
  
But I didn't want to think about that. Yug' was waving at me, signaling that it was time for me to act like a normal teenager. Not like some weak dog. No, Otogi and Set-Kiaba weren't the only ones who saw me that way. My father seemed to think I was one as well. Seto's comments weren't all that different from my father's, actually. They tended to hit quite close to home sometimes.. Damn it, I couldn't see why I still bothered trying to think of him as Kiaba. Seto just fit so much better.  
  
Speaking of whom, his eyes were still tracking me. He was watching for any sign of abuse. He'd never come right out and ask, but he suspected the truth about my life. He saw past all the lies to my pain and suffering. Pain that I rarely even felt now. Seto understood me. He had that look of someone who had been unforgivably betrayed. It was hard to see, unless you knew what you were looking for, but it was there. He hid the torment well with that icy glare of his. It really only showed when he was around Mokuba or arguing with me. I was the only one who saw how deeply he had been hurt. Only I could see how his memories hunted him; memories of someone who had decided to teach him a lesson with fists and rape. I saw it because I lived with the same things. But I didn't want to think about what my dear old dad had done to me last night.  
  
Enough of that. I pulled on my mask quickly, grinning and walking to join Yug', Tristan and Ryou. I'd feel better later, after my confrontation with Seto. I knew it was coming, I could feel it in his gaze.  
  
**Seto**  
  
I watched him put his mask on, smiling slightly. He was good at hiding what he truly felt. I was fairly certain that he had convinced even himself he didn't care or feel. He did care though. He cared what happened to his sister and friends. I doubted that he cared for his father anymore. The bastard had hurt him too many times to deserve any feelings but hatred from my puppy. Yes, he was my puppy. There was no point trying to deny it. I would protect my puppy from himself and his father if I could, but I would not force him to run. Joey was too strong to run, even if I had suggested it. I would offer him a place to stay tonight though, a place to rest.  
  
He would need a fight today, as much as I hated them. It was the only time I saw him with real life in his eyes. The fights gave him a chance to fight back against the insults, if not the physical attacks. It hurt me to call him those things, but it was needed. If not for these fights, my puppy would have given up long ago, regardless of his sister's safety and happiness. Perhaps today I would give him a chance to fight the physical abuse too. He looked as though he needed it more than usual. The mask was more forced today, I would have to lash out at my puppy whether I liked it or not.  
  
And that's the chapter. Short, yes, but the chapters will grow soon. I'm going to post the fight between Joey and Seto next, but I have to work on it. This took me so long to write _ I had it all planned out, then my ideas fled *curses at muses* you let me down Duo! Ryou!  
  
Duo: *in hiding*  
  
Ryou: um.sorry! *innocent hikari eyes*  
  
Me: Oh no, those aren't going to work! I really should have paired  
  
Joey with you instead of Seto!!  
  
Ryou: *gulps and runs* YAMI!!! Help!!! Please review! And tell me when you think the rating should be pushed up to R please! 


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